Hello, friend.
I would like to share with you today, “Broken Heart Beats.”
One of the most emotional and confessional songs I have written and it comes from a place of severe vulnerability. Not just for me but for my kids as well.
It sparked from a moment in time when my older son and daughter were having some trouble. Not with school or with friends, but with a piece of themselves that was missing.
That missing piece was their biological father.
They were struggling with the why.Why didn't he care enough to be involved? Why didn't he want to be involved? What was wrong with them that made him want to leave them?
These questions of course, are unanswerable.
For a young kid, going through middle school is hard enough without that added weight. Hormones, more school work, getting older, it all compounds into a tumultuous time of emotions and a fight for independence.
It is also the phase of life where every single one of them wears nothing but a hoodie (even in the Texas summer heat) and starts listening to emo music and develops a young existential crisis.
This is normal.
What is not normal is the amount of kids who are missing a parent in their lives. During this time they need that guidance, that support, boundaries, and love.
I stepped up and became their father, yes. But, it will never take the place of their bio one.
There will always be a void that I cannot repair no matter how much I try. There will always be those questions and the acceptance of the situation and the damage done will never take away that which lingers.
Why.
There was a period of time where there was deep emotion. They were growing older and they had a 'dad' at home, but they only called him dad… he wasn't dad.